Today, I chose to participate in my own becoming and… I quit. While society typically frowns upon quitters, society has also established some pretty unrealistic (for me, anyway) timelines for and definitions of success that have almost ruined me. Why I would give society that much authority in my life speaks to the power of influence when you have no clue who you are. I’ve decided to take language into my own hands and redefine what it means to grab your stuff and peace out ✌🏾.
Here’s the story:
1. I quit my supervisory role with a non profit in which I’d invested two years of time, and took a far less prominent role in the same organization. I had plans to expand the program that I oversaw and to climb the organizational ladder. But after a while, I realized that I was stressed, I didn’t desire the responsibility of making sure others fulfilled their responsibilities, and I was spending more time with other families than my own. The new role is hardly glamorous with no room for growth, but it pays more, it’s remote, and allows me to be a more fulfilling mom to my toddler. Why was I holding on to that other position, again?
2. I left my doctoral program in Prevention Science. Having once envisioned myself as a notable researcher in obesity prevention, formal education was costly and robbing me of a quality mental capacity… aka I was tired of taking out student loans and having school-related anxiety attacks. Something about giving away money I didn’t have and feeling like I was going to die every other day just didn’t sit right with me anymore. Crazy, right? I took off those damned proverbial boots with the straps… you know, the ones society tells us to pull ourselves up by… and I quit mid semester.
3. My personal favorite, I quit trying to force myself into templates of success and decided to embark on the journey of surrendering to my own convictions… my own life. Basically, I stopped caring about all previous ideas of success and set out to create ones that suited me. I decided to stop holding my breath until I reached all of these levels of success that were of no value to me and to breathe NOW.
After all of that quitting, “What’s next?” you may ask! The answer is NOTHING! Well... not “nothing” but there is no grand plan. Just me… facing myself,
Going for runs and allowing the processes of nature to teach me about who I am and who I’m becoming.
Healing my relationship with food… because let’s face it, that anxiety and stress I mentioned earlier has turned me into a sugar-addicted, food-phobic maniac (I’ll explain later).
And writing all about it - because while I’m on this journey of healing and becoming, I know there will be difficult times when I forget what I’ve learned. So I write to remind myself of why I’ve got to keep going. I write to remember that my life’s journey is purposeful. I write for my life.
Since you’ve decided to read this far, I invite you to take off the proverbial mask with me. Or maybe it’s me who’s joining you and I just don’t know it. Regardless, the process of becoming is a journey and I hope that we'll all do it together!
-Ren